So, there are days where you can do things in Tonga that are just pure awesomesauce. Let me detail to you one of those days, an event that happened a short while ago.
It began with Hannah asking me to ride to the bakery in the morning to pick up a coconut bun for her breakfast. Like a good and dutiful husband, I happily obliged and jumped on my blue bike for what is usually a 15 minute round trip at the most. This is a pictoral representation, which is fairly lifelike, of me on my bike.
So there I was, riding down the road and I hadn’t gone more than about 100 metres when this stupid, rediculous, crazy truck driver pulled out right in front of me, going really slowly and nearly hitting me. It was simply another example of driving where palangi’s just not being used to being asked to ‘share space’ since we’re 80kg’s and easily knocked off the bike yet the truck is probably 1 tonne and wouldn’t notice if it had hit a cow. The scene went something like this:
So there I am, riding alongside this truck with an empty tray. The vehicle was probably 1000 years old and poured out more smoke than it did horsepower. Still, it was close, and I all of a sudden had a lightening bolt of an idea. It was audacious, courageous, heoric, amazing, life changing and altogether the coolest idea I’d had since I worked out that you could combine a ligther and Mortein fly spray and you’ve got a home made flame thrower. Tentatively, and with some hesitation (Afterall, even the Wright brothers knew that as mind bending flight was, man was not a natural bird) I reached out my arm and grabbed onto the truck.
Cautiously, like a babe taking his first step, I hung on and kept balance. This was daring. This was out-of-the-box. This was… a helluva lot of fun actually! I was holding onto a fricken truck while riding my bike! I actually overtook with the truck another bicycle rider, who looked at me like I was freaking Superman. In fact, he called out ‘Is it a bird, is it a plane?’
No, it’s not Superman. Superman doesn’t have balls of steel like this man does. Superman would shy away from such a dangerous task! He’d cringe at the activity and ride his bike like any other man. No, Superman is not game to conquer the world like this man. There’s only one being capable of doing this…
That’s right. Starkemus Prime – The leader of the Autobots and defender of humanity. A man who rides on the side of trucks with his bike. A man who hammers nails in with rocks because a hammer is too easy. A man who wears spandex on the outside of his clothes* and isn’t afraid of the stares he gets.
So… that’s the cool story of what I did the other day. What did you get up to?
* Not true – Spandex in Tongan summer is a death wish not even Starkemus Prime can survive.